Here I am, trying to be a writer. In my feeble attempts to keep this unread blog alive, I offer some thoughts on forgiveness and teaching.
It’s almost 4pm on the last day of school before Winter Vacation. I’m sitting alone in my classroom, almost two hours after all of the students paraded out of the building in celebration of a two week break from school. They know that this respite will only last for a brief moment in time but the possibilities of endless freedom excite their little hearts to no end.
Only in the presence of peace and silence of deserted hallways can one truly understand the beautifully chaotic reality of school. So much happens throughout the day both very much within the sphere of influence of my fellow teachers and I and as well as an overwhelming amount that is not. At this moment, now that all of the students and most of the teachers have left the building, I am thinking about forgiveness.
The very nature of teaching requires the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice, conscious or not, that every teacher must make for themselves on a moment by moment basis. I have experienced such frustration that forgiveness seemed impossible. Error is, understandably, constant within the walls of a school. Kids, just like the rest of humanity, make mistakes. This is how we slowly discover how the world works. In the same way that young people possess the ability to surprise and amaze, they just as easily do stupid, irrational, unexplainable things. Often, these actions are described as disrespectful, rude, ridiculous, or approaching an evil that offers no hope for the future. Some of these mistakes cause teachers to scratch their head with a kind of hopelessness that leaves them unmotivated and cynical about the youth. Yet, it is because of this content error that teachers must forgive.
To forgive someone is to understand why he or she acted in the particular manner that harmed the individual, another student or the entire community in the first place. True forgiveness is to trust that the intent of the wrongdoer was not malicious or, if it was, then they have learned why the act was wrong in the first place. It is the responsibility of teachers to show students a way of moral rightness; a compass that always points towards goodness towards others; and behavior that promotes the learning for both themselves and their peers. We must always remember their youth and they likely don’t know the appropriate way to do things especially within a classroom environment. My mentor, Sarah Durst, shares with me regularly that as a teacher, I have to teach those within my class everything that I want them to be able to do within my space regardless of how trivial it may be. Though she refers to the daily procedures and routines of classroom, in a very real sense, she might as well be talking about acting within our community and the world at large. Gentle reminders such as “You shouldn’t run into this classroom, it is safer and more appropriate to walk calmly and with a purpose,” might go a long way to reducing car accidents in the future or at the very least will give me less of a headache at the beginning of every class period.
When teachers work to understand why their students act the way they do instead of growing angry with them, it makes true forgiveness possible. For students come with a backpack of experiences so large that it sways their every move. Some were shown how to do things the right way and others did not have the same guidance. No matter a student's previous path, it is the responsibility of teachers to work to help them improve, whatever that might mean for the individual. This holistic approach to human growth is the beauty of being a teacher and it is something that testing companies have yet to be able to accurately measure.
There is nothing easy about forgiveness and understanding. When experienced teachers advised me to spend as much time as possible “developing relationships” and “establishing mutual trust,” that sounded easy enough when said aloud but incredibly difficult as well as time consuming in practice. However, knowing who your students are is the first step to forgiving their digressions. We must be responsible for knowing them first and then showing them the right way second.
Ultimately, teachers have little choice if they want to be successful and happy within their chosen career. Those misfits and management nightmares are coming back to our classroom whether we like it or not. We can choose to accept them for being imperfect beings with the potential for unimaginable growth or we can write them off forever. In my second year of teaching, I am not so naive to think that every student can be saved or helped. Some may be so far along a path of destruction that their eventual demise is only a matter of time. It is important though that it is not teachers that make this decision. We are not the judges of who should be given the best education available and who should not. The forgiving teacher gives every student a chance to succeed regardless of how badly they have erred in the past for they understand that the future is unknowable.
A student of mine decided one afternoon that the best action to take when she was upset was to clearly communicate a melody of colorful and vindictive language not often found in school settings. This in front of an entire class of silent young writers. She spoke with vigour about how she “didn’t care about [me] or anyone in this school” and she certainly didn’t care what we said or thought. As she yelled, she stormed out of the classroom with an anger that spoke louder than her words.
And then when she returned to school, she eventually made her way to my class. Though I cannot control whether she or students like her came back or not, I possess control over my attitude on how I am going to treat this student as all teachers do. I welcomed her back into my space after she acted in a way that was completely against every aspect of common decency essential to the safe and supportive classroom environment that I work so hard to create on a daily basis.
There was no “thank you.” She showed no obvious appreciation. Yet, here she was, back in class and I forgave her.
--AN
